Cats

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by Kyle Bradshaw

Everyone puts on a facade of a personality at least once in their lives. Whether that be at a job interview or while in high school, we alternate between the truth and a lie. Although, for cats, this facade is always true. Their playful exterior and soft underbelly may draw you in at time but don’t give into Satan’s snare. The moment your hand is thrust into the belly of the beast you will be greeted with 10 individual daggers and a howl that is told to scare off even the mightiest of foes. The only solution to this epidemic is to let them be. We have no power over these little creatures, we are trained to think that we chose the cat, but in reality, the cat chose us. They ignore the human as an expression of their dominance, and when you lay there on the sofa so peacefully and they walk by making a point that you get a full view of their little rear ends. This is no innocent method of greeting! With each glancing blow they siphon your power until you have no options than to feed them. Be warned! While sleeping keeps these furry felines in the neighboring room. Unless you enjoy repeated attempts of murder and getting a lovely wake up call with a paw down your throat.

Solutions for these recurring issues include the following: putting a leash on the cat thus putting them in “off” mode, giving them a constant supply of adequate amounts of food and boxes, or purchase a tiger instead. Felines are friend to one and all. They bring a fair amount of joy to all human slaves. With those whiskers and dominant demeanor anything is possible if you have a feline to follow. They will lead you and if you are lucky they will acknowledge you.