Hallway Traffic

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By Cambri Jenson

Today in the hallway, I was once again reminded of an issue that can no longer be ignored. The dilemma of which I speak is none other than the hormonally-burdened teenagers which inundate our school corridors on a daily basis. Not only have these youths forgotten every shred of civility they might have possessed, they have begun to emulate the obstructive powers of the Great Wall of China.

Today in the hallway, I was en route to my morning lessons when my path was unexpectedly blocked by an Adidas wearing, acne-prone, adolescent male. I thought my predicament could be easily addressed by simply stepping to one side, but lo and behold, he was just the tip of the iceberg. No sooner had I avoided the first obstacle then I found myself in the midst of a gaggle of rapscallions whose strategic placement denied any and all access through the corridor.

Today in the hallway, I found myself flirting with tardiness, so my pace was more hurried than usual. As I navigated my way through the masses, I found my progress hampered by none other than a couple of girls whose mental processes were as slow as their feet. In vain, I struggled to politely draw their attention to their pace, which was akin to that of a beached whale. Once again, my faith in my peers diminished as all I received in return for my efforts was a blank stare.

Today in the hallway, my gag reflexes made their debut as I encountered not one, but multiple instances of what is commonly known as “PDA.” I was unsure whose hands belonged to whom in the intimate exchanges. I have always wondered why no authority has ever stepped in, but then again, I doubt that anything could disentangle these star-crossed lovers.

Students, I implore you, join with me in my efforts to eradicate these affronting behaviors. Tomorrow in the hallway, perhaps we will walk peaceably with unity and patience with one another, both in our minds as well as in our feet. Join with us in the battle against rampant idiocy and truancy in our hallways.